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I'm either too Black or too White

Dating has never been an issue for me. However, the older I get, the more I start to notice that I am fetishized. It is common to see interracial couples in San Diego, but it's hard to believe they don’t fetishize their partners for their appearances. Some women and men have intentions of dating someone of a different race in the hope of having biracial children. It continues the idea that “light is right'' and many people would do anything to add to that stigma. I have dated people from different races, and I have had completely different experiences. Some Black men I dated have called me “whitewashed” or ``boujee,” which is strange, considering that I am not directly related to anyone White, and I grew up middle class.


When I dated White men, I was often complimented on my appearance, my bigger lips, and most commonly, my hair.


And I have noticed that White people go out of their way to compliment us as a couple, while Black men make comments such as “good luck with that” or sigh as we walk by.


I would repeatedly receive insults packaged as compliments predicting “you would make such cute babies.” The compliment has a hidden message suggesting that my lighter complexion is the only reason I would have what society calls “a cute baby.” New acquaintances frequently ask me about my race, sometimes multiple times, as if hearing it more than once would change the fact that I’m Black.

Males of other races have asked, “I’ve never dated any Black girls before. Do you have any friends that look just like you — not dark dark, but like caramel?”



It's as if I’m too White for the Black community and too Black for the White community. Not fitting in on my own stomping grounds is something many biracial women struggle with.

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